When I was younger I used to be petrified of heights (I mean what kid isn't afraid of something that is bigger than themselves?). One day my parents took me to Disney World, I assume I had a bunch of fun, but I cannot remember much from that day except one particular moment; My parents and I were waiting in line to get on the Rocking Roller Coaster. I had never been on a roller coaster before. I was so accustomed to the twirling teapots that anything that went up and down also made my stomach go up and down. I was terrified as I clinging to my mother's leg, watching the line diminish into the building. The closer I got the more my eyes widened and the tighter I dug my fingers into my mother's jeans. I remember that I started crying. my father asked me what was wrong, and I replied, "I don't wanna go on the ride". My father believed that I could do it and overcome my fears. He got upset that I would would back down so easily when I was challenged. He told me that if I didn't get on the ride, we would all leave the theme park.I didnt want to make my parents upset, so I got on the ride. when I got off the ride, it turned out that I loved it. I wanted to do it all over again, and again. But my mother didnt have the stomach for too much roller coasters.
So the purpose of telling that story is to shed some light onto my current situation. Right now my life has so many ups and down, it reals like im on a roller coaster. I get to the top, and I know I am going to fall, I can see it, but I still scream anyways. I feel that a lot of people can relate to me when I say that "I am scared of life". But I know that I must stay in line, I must not cower when I have been challenged. Because if I back down now, I will lower my standards, I will go back to the comfort of the twirling teapots. I will never know what could have been, I will only know what I did not do. Recently life has challenged me and my family. And honestly I don't know what to do. I am really just taking it one day at a time. The positive things in my life; the things that are propelling me to the top of this roller coaster are: I have gained the trust of my parents back (mostly), I finished my summer assignments on time, I am holding a somewhat high position in my school's SGA, I am joining the athletic training's program, I am the student representative for PBS, I am enrolled in 4 AP courses, I have finally made some friends that care about me, I am doing duel enrollment (meaning that I am taking a college course (at a local college) while in high school) to get a head start, I started driving by myself,and I am actually happy. But The roller coaster has slowed down, and now that I am at the top of it, I can see down. The negative things that are awaiting me at the bottom of the roller coaster are: My father lost his job last week, my parents are broke, my dad might be following a job possibility that is halfway across the continent, my dad took the car to the job far far away, I wont be seeing my father for a couple of months (or longer), I might be moving, so my parents and I will be leaving all of our friends and family to go to a place we have never gone before, I have to withdraw for the college course (because I have no transportation since my dad took the car), I might be going to another high school (which would be my 4th), and I am drowning under school work and responsibilities.
My head is spinning as I look down to what awaits me as the days go on. I want to scream and climb off of this roller coaster called life. but I cannot. I must conquer my fears, I must make my parents proud. I just hope that once I fall, I will come right back up again. and when the ride is over, I hope that I will want to do it again, and again.
I promise to try to blog once a week.
Bye...for now.
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