I'M MOVING.

jk.

 Well sorta... I was going to move to the other side of the continent. My dad is working in another state to help support me and my mother. It's been a crazy month, but at least we have each other in tough times like this. It's a good thing that my dad finally has a job, but it is bad because I haven't seen him in over a month, and I probably wont be seeing him for another couple of months. I miss him :( My house has been on the market for 2 weeks! (We have had many people come and see our house too) But my parents figured out a way to pay off their bills. So the less bills they have, the less money we need/ are spending, and then my dad can come back home and we wont have to move. So far things are working out great. My father took the house off the market like two days ago. Since I found out that I wasn't going to be moving on a short notice, I had to tell my teacher I wasn't moving and I told some friends. But the only thing I had left to do was join the clubs that I had wanted to join. And it sucked (at the time) because all of the applications and money orders we do the next day. I ended up staying up till midnight writing essays and completing applications forms. When the next day arrived it was hectic; I was running around my school like a crazy person. I had to get this teacher to sign something, and then I had to write this, and then I had to turn it it to someone, or give someone money. I was all over the place! The best part of my week is that I have no school on Friday (which is today). So I am catching up on some of my school work. Oh, and I need to pick out an outfit for tomorrow. I am going to my cousin's wedding. It should be fun.

So I am going to be trying this new thing where I try to be happy for the whole day, while I'm at school. I have a terrible habit of being mad at the world because of my own decisions I have made in the past. I don't know. It seems like all I do at school is mope around and not have any fun. This is my senior year in high school. I should be having fun, applying to colleges, hanging out with friends, making new friends. I don't want to deal with all of the drama that comes with being a 17 year old girl in high school. But I know it is inevitable. I also know that no matter how much I try not to stress, it gonna happen any ways. But I need to start thinking on a day to day. I have been so used to thinking about the future and trying to plan everything out. And most of the time, nothing happens according to plan. So why should I force it? I've had enough of thinking about when I am thirty years old. If I kept doing that, then I would've missed out on a decade of my life. My other goal is to not hold on to anything too closely. If something happens I will let it pass over me. Because, once again, if I don't, then I will always have a string attaching me to my past and I will never be able to reach beyond my limits and achieve so much more. I guess it is finally time to get the scissors, and cut the strings that are holding me back.

As a farewell I shall quote a line from one of my favorite movies: "All is well.".

This Roller Coaster Called Life..

I know, I know.. I've only started blogging and I still can't keep up with it. I am sorry, so much has been getting in the way. (I have a feeling that I'll be making a ton of excuses :x) But... before you patronize me, I have a story to tell you:

When I was younger I used to be petrified of heights (I mean what kid isn't afraid of something that is bigger than themselves?). One day my parents took me to Disney World, I assume I had a bunch of fun, but I cannot remember much from that day except one particular moment; My parents and I were waiting in line to get on the Rocking Roller Coaster. I had never been on a roller coaster before. I was so accustomed to the twirling teapots that anything that went up and down also made my stomach go up and down. I was terrified as I clinging to my mother's leg, watching the line diminish into the building. The closer I got the more my eyes widened and the tighter I dug my fingers into my mother's jeans. I remember that I started crying. my father asked me what was wrong, and I replied, "I don't wanna go on the ride". My father believed that I could do it and overcome my fears. He got upset that I would would back down so easily when I was challenged. He told me that if I didn't get on the ride, we would all leave the theme park.I didnt want to make my parents upset, so I got on the ride. when I got off the ride, it turned out that I loved it. I wanted to do it all over again, and again. But my mother didnt have the stomach for too much roller coasters.

So the purpose of telling that story is to shed some light onto my current situation. Right now my life has so many ups and down, it reals like im on a roller coaster. I get to the top, and I know I am going to fall, I can see it, but I still scream anyways. I feel that a lot of people can relate to me when I say that "I am scared of life".  But I know that I must stay in line, I must not cower when I have been challenged. Because if I back down now, I will lower my standards, I will go back to the comfort of the twirling teapots. I will never know what could have been, I will only know what I did not do. Recently life has challenged me and my family. And honestly I don't know what to do. I am really just taking it one day at a time. The positive things in my life; the things that are propelling me to the top of this roller coaster are: I have gained the trust of my parents back (mostly), I finished my summer assignments on time, I am holding a somewhat high position in my school's SGA, I am joining the athletic training's program, I am the student representative for PBS, I am enrolled in 4 AP courses, I have finally made some friends that care about me, I am doing duel enrollment (meaning that I am taking a college course (at a local college) while in high school) to get a head start, I started driving by myself,and I am actually happy. But The roller coaster has slowed down, and now that I am at the top of it, I can see down. The negative things that are awaiting me at the bottom of the roller coaster are: My father lost his job last week, my parents are broke, my dad might be following a job possibility that is halfway across the continent, my dad took the car to the job far far away, I wont be seeing my father for a couple of months (or longer), I might be moving, so my parents and I will be leaving all of our friends and family to go to a place we have never gone before, I have to withdraw for the college course (because I have no transportation since my dad took the car), I might be going to another high school (which would be my 4th), and I am drowning under school work and responsibilities.

My head is spinning as I look down to what awaits me as the days go on. I want to scream and climb off of this roller coaster called life. but I cannot. I must conquer my fears, I must make my parents proud. I just hope that once I fall, I will come right back up again. and when the ride is over, I hope that I will want to do it again, and again.

I promise to try to blog once a week.

Bye...for now. 

July

Well my birthday was three days ago. Yay for me... -_- it wasn't all that exciting. i had barely any phone calls from family, about 4 "Happy B-day" posts on Facebook, and no card from anybody. On the good side, my parents got me ice cream cake, $50 for Barnes and Nobles, and we went out for dinner.

And here i am today. i wanted to try something new. i have always wanted to start a journal, but i feel weird talking to a book. where no one but myself will ever care what i write about. so i decided i might as well tell the world about my life in an anonymous way. And i tried G+, but i know people on there who follow me, so i dont want them knowing about my personal life. Here it is easy; i can't see you, and you cant see me. it may seem harsh but i think i have issues. sorry, it isnt you, it is me.

And if no one has figured it out yet by my name and URL as a blogger, it is from a book. well it is from one of my favorite books. i can read this a hundred times and i will still cry. It is just easier to connect with the book. Um.. the book is called Looking for Alaska, by John Green. I bet you can figure out how i got my name now.

so i think i will end off my first blog with: i am a senior in high school. and i have a ton of summer assignments to do tomorrow. and it is already after midnight, i need to sleep so i can function throughout all of this work. ugh.
goodnight.